| Crazy Sin and Second Chances |
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| Written by Rokstar |
| Tuesday, 28 October 2008 15:03 |
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I can clearly recall a night in August 2005, late at night, having a very interesting conversation with my husband. I remember telling him that I wish that our entire lives could change in an instant and that God would just give us a chance to start over our lives in a new place and a different situation. These thoughts and desires had come from a need to escape the situation I was in. After 10 years of being a Christian and about 9 years of that in the ministry, I had fallen away from God. I had compromised in many ways, gotten a divorce and quickly remarried to the man I had been involved with. After publicly being labeled as "backslidden" and "in sin", I was shunned by many people in the small town I was living in. I believe that many of the people that rejected me were justified, because I had betrayed them and God. I could hardly live with the guilt myself and many people fell away after I did, compounding the pain.
I had never consciously decided to turn away from God, I just quit agreeing with Him. I was in an extremely difficult marriage and had experienced years of problems and was also in ministry putting a “good face” on so that I could help others. I really loved God and wanted something to happen to make it all better, but the more that I took matters into my own hands, the further away from God’s plan I got. After living wildly for about 6 months and feeling the pain and torment of a life without God I couldn’t take any more. My life had quickly begun falling apart and every familiar demon had found its way back into me and my new husbands life. When we had began having feelings for each other we were both Christians, but without God we were totally different people. I felt Satan laughing at me that he had tricked me and now the illusion was exposed. I then knew exactly how the prodigal son felt when he was sitting in the pig pen. It says in the Bible in Luke 15:17 that suddenly he “came to his senses”. When I saw where I was and the condition I was in, I too, came to my senses. I remembered the freedom I had in God and how His mercy and grace removes all of the shame and guilt. I was willing to do anything to have Him back and for the first time in my life was willing to pay any price. I ran back to Father’s house and He met me and forgave me and restored to me a life better than I could dream of. The best part about it all was that He was waiting for me all along with a plan of restoration ready for me. Very shortly after, my husband and I were also restored back to the church. We stood before the large congregation and confessed that we had sinned and that we had a desire to come back as members of the church and get our lives back on track. It was after that point that the conversation I spoke of happened. Even though everyone was friendly with me, I still felt as if when people saw me that I had a scarlet letter on my chest. I was being watched so closely that I had a hard time worshipping in church. My heart’s desire began to be that God would make everything new. He had changed us, but the situation was still very familiar and uncomfortable. One Friday night, my husband and I were told that we should evacuate the next morning because a hurricane looked like it was headed in our direction. We had already evacuated just about 2 weeks earlier for a false alarm, so we casually decided to go again and treat it as a mini vacation. We packed 2 days of extremely casual clothes and went expecting to return in a few days. The name of that storm was “Katrina” which means “cleansing”. Needless to say, we never did return. Our one story home flooded to the roof and we lost every single possession we had. Our entire city was underwater, my entire world was gone. Strangely enough, my husband and I took the news well. We remembered just the week before discussing how great it would be to start over somewhere else and in a different situation. When people everywhere were crying of their loss, my family was rejoicing of all that we had gained- a new beginning, a new direction, a new life. We live in a different city now and our one church has since multiplied into three and God is allowing my husband and I to assist the pastor in the pioneering of the third location. God has restored us as individuals and as a family and has given us a message of hope to those that are struggling that God’s mercy and grace is sufficient. We are living testimonies to that.
~ If you are in sin or struggling, know that God has the way out. Many people have been tricked by Satan into the illusion of pornography, adultery, drugs, etc. Know that God is the God of new beginnings and He has a victorious life prepared for you. Give Him your ashes (Isaiah 61:3) so that He may give you beauty and make your life whole again.
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